joHn JOhN

pReSeNtInG...something not related to drums...PRESENTING....

joHn FrUsCiAnTe!



rock on..

love you..

3mc cheers mate, you owe it to yourself

There existed a brotherhood of 6 men, brought together and bonded by GESS, GessBand, a 530am MRT, RHCP and after school street soccer. every joy and sorrow and occasion were equally felt by everyone. it was a great time to hang out and be merry. it was truly a splendid affair.

we had...

Duga Risiz (ahmad) - the famous clown/joker/jester that manages to still be in the top class and wreck havoc in the multimedia club hall of infamy. [Multimedia Ex-Co]

Fungi/Pongz (hafiz) - the cool calm and collected sportsman. always there for good advice and always there for the good times and bad. [House Captain]

Raeborn (me) - the drummer/artist/thinker. very anti-climax with that quiet attitude but always there when you need a helping hand. cheh. [Drum Major, Perc SL]

Huh (ian) - the guy with all the ideas, be it good mischievous or bad. always fun to have around at anytime anyplace. [Trumpet SL, PRO]

Noobster (desmond) - the big intellectual smart guy. there to talk every one's way out of trouble. also another big joker just a laugh away. [Assistant Drum Major]

Loki (samuel) - the youngest of the bunch, often the one getting suan-ed. loyal and filial. the most enthusiastic of the group. [Perc SL]

and there we were. 3MC. which really stood for 3 Malay 3 Chinese. a part faction of Ah Yam's gang, the Kingpin of Gess. those were the good old days.

rock on..

love you..

goodmountain

for the benefit of those who read. wont be posting for the next month i guess. too busy with work. schoolwork that is.

for the classmates. for now i wont leave. yes i seem like an awful prick making up all this conspiracy but you dont have to know of it in the first place. we'll see how it gets along. not looking forward to industrial torture program (ITP). regrets alot.

also, there will be a hike in drawng productivity during the next few weeks. that means busy busy busy. damn im always busy but not too busy to hangout. life is just so imbalanced.

ok that seemed pretty boring.

on a lighter note, m|brosia (which i think is a very cheesy name for the concert) wasnt that bad and im looking forward to the next concert next year. maybe there will be a small performance. who knows?

arsenal are still at the top after today so the race is still on. my lobster died the other day. i managed to give it a proper burial, at the grass patch beside the void deck.

i guess this blog is not that colourfull but thas how i likes it and thats how it will be. and i will miss you during your trip to malaysia. you will come back on 25 is that right? a week without you will be horrible. but i guess 2 years wihout you is even worse.

rock on..

love you..

skinny man

nothing much. here's a picture though. bad quality. apologies.

rock on.

love yous.

pb

47

its true that when im busy drawing something, i always forget about you, cause im so totally engrossed in whatever im drawing.

im sorry but thats me.




art is cruel.

rock on...

love you..

wild wild

i dont think im singaporean. i might be, well, a little bit. but i dont think im even 60% singaporean. im not that into local food (except for the indian food you have to love that). im not into local music. im dont have a local mindset (kiasu). i dont believe in the rat race. i strongly object the study-graduate-work-wife-kids-retire-cpf-dies eventually kind of life. i always believed that life doesnt have to follow any certain order. and you dont have to follow what other people tell you lest its the right thing. basically you influence your life and you live it as you want it to be.

nowadays people are living factory lives. and they are so into it that they dont even realise it themselves. they are like that since childbirth and slowly the spark of individualism is forced out of their heads and they become one with the rest of this (gigantic+enormous)= ginormous living being.

im supposed to post a picture today but didnt have the time to do so. im currently working on a portfolio right now so i guess i should be busy. *hint* i dont care about detailing or part plans or substations anymore and i hope my new escapade will turn out fine. so see yah!

rock on..

love you..

LAMB OF GODness

Corina Shrimp Delight-Calcium Enriched

there are more important things to life than just material wealth. thats why i wont buy that psp slim. i wont buy unnecessary clothes. i wont buy new drumsticks. or a drum pad. i wont buy new shoes (yet) and i wont buy bling (not that i have any). there are more important things in life. either that or im a poor lad.

health. health is more important. without health you'll die faster. you cant run as fast. cant act that fast. cant play fast. cant work well either. cant carry that girl off to wherever whenever. and that is why you have to exercise and go gym once in a while (or everyday). i cant figure out why people HATE to exercise. i dont think laziness is an issue there.

what else. erm. friends. yes. friends are also important. good friends are even better. they are the. well. they are the ones that fill in the blanks. seriously. they lie in between school/work and family. work isnt that important. friends are. and i dont like to use (,)s. friends take you for that joy ride youve been itching to go on for weeks. they are the colours and the noises in your life.

passion. yes. passion is another thing that makes life life. passion is like purpose only that its more enjoyable. without passion there can be no meaning to all this. passion is what makes you who you are. passion can be materialistic. then so be it. kind of contradicting but when you indulge in your passion and theres some money involved then i think thats ok. cause its passion. passion for spending alot of money doesnt count.

family. dont forget family. they are the ones that make your stay at home more enjoyable or miserable. it all depends on you. patience will go anywhere.

Corina Shrimp Delight. try it.

rock on..

love you..

internet slow dah

just yesterday i read gameaxis (magazine) and i saw this guy's work on one of the pages. apparently he is from laselle and when my friends saw it they were like,

"what the fuck? dzaki you can draw way better!"

i am so depressed. how i wish i got some publicity. i always believed that people dont accept creativity. i kinda wished that i could turn ink into cash. fast. and why is it so hard to make a living off a canvas or something. all the artists in the world should fly to venus and live there, where all of us will scrutinize each other's work and there shall be no peace and a neverending stream of art. and then millenia will pass and all of us will never age (because on venus its like peterpan). whatever we imagine will come to life - our drawings, music and dance.

frustration.

*****

have you ever noticed that talent, genius and drugs mixed together to a fine cocktail can give you fame, recognition and fantastic art? ive always wondered whether drugs (the illegal kind) has any positive effect on talented people.

we all know that athletes perform much better under the daily(?) consumption of steroids and we do know that they feed drugs to chicken to make then grow faster. what i dont know is, could drugs possibly make an artist play/write/compose/sing/draw (etc) better? does it have some kind of property that allows the brain to excrete more creative juices?

a month ago i read this book 'scar tissue' which is something like an autobiography of anthony kiedis, the frontman for the red hot chili peppers. through this book ive got to know that musicians often take drugs, especially rockstars. apparently these drugs tend to make them go psycho and crazy (duh) but also extremely creative. maybe that is dependant on how experienced you are in shooting. anyway one example is john fruciante (guitar-rhcp) and his drug abuse often led to him being more productive and thus produced numerous guitar riffs or parts while he is under the influence of drugs.

however, this john fruciante guy is really really talented so i dont really know whether or not the drugs and the alcohol allowed him to be that productive or that they allowed the ideas to flow unhindered. or maybe being in this drugged state that one is able to naturally be genius? for me to know that i guess i have to do some research on drugs. as in real science.

but what if drugs and alcohol really did allow you to be more productive (talent wise)? would there be a huge increase in the number of people taking drugs? and would it be a banned substance? i dont even know why its banned in the first place (maybe because its highly addictive?) but what if instead of condemning it, shouldnt science like, develop it into something that can make everyone a genius?

i was kinda thinking like, the average human uses 5% of its brain. einstein used 7%. correct me if im wrong here. what it, under the controlled influence of some superdrug that we, humans, are able to use more than that said 5%? and what would be the consequences of use using our brains to its full capacity? would we be able to fly? would all of us be psychic? or would we explode under some continuous stress or brain activity?

rock on..

love you..

WARNING: Soccer Post

i know all of you support derby but bear with me aite?

end of first half - almunia blunder

start of second half - way to go fabregas!

end of second half - defensive blunder

extra time - saved by gallas!

and what an exciting match wasnt it, my Arsenal brothers? though we failed to gun the devils down, theyre f*cked up cause we're still top of the table with one game to spare. this is just to silence all the devils in my class on Monday. its a draw so dont bother arguing about anything. yes football, like any other sport, involves luck so lucky us that we have an angel of salvation. and home turf? doesnt matter. what matters most is that 1. Arsenal top 2. Play Beautiful 3. Manu not on top xD. so lets all conclude that it was a FAIR match. and when ronaldo gets old will the gals still love him or will they turn into those i-love-beckham kinda aunties?

and now yes, finally, i get what you mean when you call me Evra (sadistic mofo).

i now know that kids are very very very demanding. they need an unmeasurable amount of attention (like a girlfriend does), care (same), undying love (still same) and a whole new level of tolerance. you need to give in to them but the trick is to not overgive. i still stick to my method that being mutually friendly yet exuding a 'im-older-than-you-so-respect-me' aura works better than a 'im-older-than-you-so-if-you-dont-respect-me-things-will-get-nasty' feel. and when you play games with kids, its encouraged that you go for a draw or a lost. winning is never an option unless you're seriously getting whupped in the as*. discipline is also important. now that d-word is like a thing of a past. sometimes though, it's used excessively like the child is in NS or something.

but really, sometimes kids can get really out of hand and discipline is the way to go. i myself was raised on discipline (i got my as* whupped ok) but i think without it i would have gone and be some useless mofo without any principles or respect or any of that sh!t. but too much of it hurts in the long run as well. kids are our future and i sense that the future is bleak. but i love kids. i mean who doesnt? theyre so full of energy as if they had energisers for lunch or something and some of them are adorable. its a rollercoaster ride.

pictureless lobster update: the thing (i havent decided on a name so please help) just MOULTED yesterday. i was like, hey isnt that its shell or something? and thats very cool cause it means that its healthy and growing (yes!) another cool thing is that it actually EATS its old shell. amazing.

rock on..

love you love you love you love you love you love you...

im very much out of place

you know when you think about it, there isnt really alot to write about. not unless you live magical and eventful lives and robots that transform into vehicles are your friends. then again, wirting about your life is totally pointless...because it usually is. it serves no purpose but to tell everyone how shriveled or bad your life is. or if it isnt, it probably is anyway.

therefore i sometimes think that this site is rather meaningless. i have tried many times to rejuvenate it, much to my dismay. i tried putting up pictures but i couldnt keep up with the drawings (cause partially im lazy) and nobody reads this save for a handfull. or that there is a mystic force-field that prevents everyone from tagging.

i think ive gone from a bad to worse writer since i left secondary school. or since ive stopped reading books and as a result my command or english has decomposed(still is) to a pile of stinking rotting lobsters(?). i only eat to live and yes, to the delight of most of you, live to eat.

but seriously, my mind is dry and blank. i can try to draw though, but no one is free enough to join me in my daring escapades. i try to find solace in the library but that doesnt do me any good cause ive finished redeing and re-reading the entire sandman novels and i dont believe that there is anything out there(storywise) that is on par.

i seriously believe that i am an outast and i live in my own world. is that true to all artists? or have i yet to encountera group of people that share my beliefs and views on this pre-apocalyptic world? cause i think im going crazy(when i write this she'll call me and ask are you okay?) but no im am fine, just out of place.

maybe if i throw myself onto a drug-laden alcoholic diet and cave myself into my room with a pair of drumsticks, a paintset, pencils, pens and the whole empty 3/4 of a room all to myself, heck, i'll be the next john fruciante(wiki him). that, or i'd die a horrible and painfull death alone, sunk in misery, a major hangover and cold turkey.

i tried to re-establih my once-abundant imagination and inspiration with rhcp's oldie songs like fight like a brave and get up and jump but that didnt do me any good. i really do need inspiration(not the software) and i need it know.

i need a portfolio.

rock on...

love you...

lobster

lobster. the first thing that comes to my mind is the 24bucks i spent at Village on jovee's birthday. that was the first time i had lobster.

i bought a very tiny lobster at plaza sing yesterday. no, not for eating. but as a pet. see, weirdos like me are all attracted to small critters that you can give names to. like a lobster. okay this might be what you call buying on impulse but its definitely worth it. besides, its cheap! im just trying my hand at rearing something different. never again will i rear fish.

i just hope this alien wont die that soon. i really wish it would grow and grow bigger than the planets and then it will crush and devour all of you people! xD (actually i intend to eat it after it grows big)

by the way, does anybody know where to get cheap fake wallets?

rock on..

love you..

18

Happy Birthday i guess.

and this is the 170th post! yeah..

went out to had the dinner at vivocity. and i didnt even get to pay! whoah! xD first time people treat me to dinner. so ecstatic sia. i actually felt like having lobster but i must pity my friends right? its so long since i had lobster, the halal king of seafood.

we went to this place called fig n olive. it was substantial. not that good but ok lah. the service hmm..passable i think. didnt buy drinks there (except for me), cause it was too expensive and not worth it really. sometimes i wonder wether restaurants these days are even worth the money at all!

then, we went back to desmond's cause he had something urgent. i didnt get to play motorstorm but thats ok cause i was listening to frusicante on his ipod and trying hard to play the LEFT-HANDED guitar. it was ok actually, despite the missing E string below. and thats why you cant play stairway to heaven ian, cause there is no E string.

and thank you for the people that plagued me with smses throughout the day and night. i REALLY REALLY REALLY appreciate it.

didnt get any prezzies this year. haha i usually dont get any presents so whats new eh?

anyway, couldnt celebrate with that special someone cause of her O levels. really very sad. i hate you O levels, despicable scum of the earth.

dont really feel like going soccer tomorrow. i feel like crawling onto my bed and sitting there alone all by myself. coccooned in my room like some lone insect, maybe counting the coins in my piggie bank.

18 years and still no drumkit. must save more, or hope for a miracle.

but miracles dont exist in my life anyhow.

rock on...

love you...

Em - G

there's nothing much going about these few days, besides the usual schoolwork, gym and class soccer. my turtle tried to swallow part of the filter system but i pulled it right out of its mouth just in time. my brother got new headphones and my other brother bought FIFA 08 which he is currently trying to complete.

its a pity, all my borthers are having holidays and im still having school. yet, micro-detailing is upon us. now im not going to complain about my work anymore. its immature and unprofessional. work is just work and as immanuel said, just do it.

now if i want to change course. IF. i still have to at least pass this semester or do well. haha. i doubt the latter. but still, i got to rough it out these few days. then i can make my final decision. its kinda disappointing like this. really sad actually. i will definitely miss my classmates.\

IF

no time for blogging nowadays. need to tie up lose ends. so there. will post a picture occassionally (rarely) though.

rock on..

love you..

dissension part 1

microstation

rainwater down pipes

annotations

calculations

carpark

roof gardens

conrete

reinforced conrete

section, elevation, plan

3D viz

sumbission

interim

ETC.

i dont know how im going to be able to withstand it any longer.

i know i dont belong here and i should have left a long time ago, when i had the chance.

but i was uncertain.

this year brought much clarity.

so i have decided, maybe, i should leave.

good bye (pending) guys.



rock on...

love you...

BC submission due Monday

selamat hari raya aidilfitri

but no holidays

cause of

SUBMISSION

rock on..

love you...

suddenly

i just realised that this blog is like 3 years old. i dont know but isnt the recent trend these days is to keep deleting your older blog and make a new one, and doing that time after time?

ok so yeah, i have finally changed my blogskin, much to the joy of some of you out there. personally, i dont like to change things much unless they really needed changing. just like my aquarium tank water. after so long on my relentless pursuit in achieveing crystal clear water for my turtle, i have given up. for now.

there just isnt enough time these days. school has always been there to bite you in the behind, with class always ending at 5pm and submissions every other week. its a bummer really. years ago i looked forward to going to school everyday. now im like waking up each morning, fighting that sleep demon spirit that wants so bad for me to continue sleeping.

and talking about sleeping, i think i have insomnia. yes, i cant sleep anymore. well, not during the night lah. "ok now i have the strength to try and finish my work at night". its not as easy as you think it is.

rock on..

love you..

for the love of

GESSBAND

oh why cant we have an alumni band? is it because there are no alumni out there who would join? or is it because of the strong opposition from the school authority? a lack of faith maybe?

if there is a GESSOSA which im sure nobody in the school publicly knows whats going on (besides giving opportunities to needy Gessians maybe, i dunno really) , then why cant there be an alumni band?

jurongville has it. saint anthony has it. so does woodgrove. and yuhua. what about river valley?
true that most of the above-mentioned ARE gold bands but not jurongville what.

for me i would gladly take up my sticks again just to indulge in what is known as band practise. for the love of god, why cant we have alumni band? it doesnt need to be big.

for instance, we could all just have mini-micro gatherings. maybe to get to know alumni band members and break the ice etc. we could lend a hand in teaching the juniors. when you become a teacher you are also a student as well (wah chim). then as the weeks progress, we can start having rehearsals JUST FOR THE SAKE OF MAKING MUSIC. doesnt have to have any other intention other than that.

or maybe i am just feeling selfish and am desperately trying to satisfy my craving for the drums, the music. alas, i am NOT (possibly) the only selfish one here. surely there has to be a few out there who share my same sentiments.

having an alumni band is a great way of developing a band. how long has Gessband have to lurk in the muddy shallows of SILVER? when GOLD is looming just ahead? if only we could all just grab it. maybe (MAYBE/what if) having an alumni is the path to gold? take a look above. SA, YUHUA, RIVERVALLEY all have alumni bands.

-raeborn
of course senior lah

two years

we need to learn how to love each other again.

how can i ever think of leaving when ive been waiting two years for this time to come?

rock on..

love you..still

latest

rock on..

love you..

ashes to ashes

my oh my, how you have forgotten about me.

how there is less concern about me.

how my help and my words mean nothing to you anymore.

why have you forsakened me?

is it because of the same routine that goes on, day after day after day?

or isit just me?

there's nought wrong with me.

stairway

aint she big?

rock on..

love you..

the First step

most of the time, before i start to draw anything, i would freak the hell out.

why?

cause im not confident of my abilities anymore. i have begun to lose focus and not believe in myself anymore.

i think i have a knack for drawing. but what do i do with it? i put it aside and do something else that's totally irrelevent. like watching soccer xD.

someone told me before. "there are tons of people out there who are not talented yet they are not afraid to draw and show people."

then me being me would reply, "so? whats the point of showing when there's nothing there" and then she'll get fed up cause she'd lost xD.

but i think im gona change. im thinking of a 'one-drawing-a day' kinda policy. torturing myself. torture myself at gym now you wana torture yourself in art. way to go mate.

rock on

love you

too much mmorpg

part of me

sometimes you just get fucked up over the silly things in life. like irrational people. i just love that word. irrational.

sometimes people are just too immature. or they give up to easily. little do they realise that life is like that. but they have forgotten that there is an afterlife and that is everlasting. heaven or hell baby.

we just have to move on with whatever we have gone through. inculcate that into our principles. i used to have friends of principle, of duty and purpose. now that i have finally realised that part of me i will never get to revisit, it feels hollow. somehow that part was beneficial but it was also dangerous as well. you just dont know what lurks beneath the murky waters.

somehow this is my most sensible blog post so far. kinda makes me look like hafiz. but you never know eh? great men think alike.

rock on..

love you..

rightleftleft-rightrightleft

How to make a raeborn

Ingredients:
1 part mercy
1 part courage
3 parts instinct

Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of lovability and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Personality'>http://www.go-quiz.com/cocktail/cocktail.php">Personality
cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com


wtf?

rock on...

love you...

MA66 phone jack to mini plug (stereo)

yup..

still sick..

i hate this shit..

rock on...

love you...

no you're not hardcore

high fever since tuesday 39.9

vommited twice on wednesday 38.3

got rashes on thursday 37.3

when will it all end?

rock on

love you

again and again

finally i get to take a break from all the shitty workload.

nothing much though. dont feel like blogging these few days.

wait for a drawing to come by or whatever. haha.

what a surprise to 'bump' into someone round the corner.


rock on...

love you...

attack

FREE HUGS

anyone?



rock on...

love you...

skinny skeleton man

too much of a good thing is great.

too much of Miami Ink, and this is what you get.

obviously not a real tattoo.

amazing what you can do with a fine tip pen on a boring day.

rock on.

love you.

cloudy tank

this week will be another killer week, followed by next week and the week after. staircase submission, interim and JC 3.

think of the many sleepless nights.

gawd.

i will still love you and continue to do so, even if you get fat.

rock on...

love you...

nothing else matters

the end of poly50...

we got 25th overall position..

25/100++ teams...

on another note..

im really sorry for what happened. i think it was a misunderstanding on my part. i didnt expect it to turn out that way but im really glad it turned out fine. if you find it a burden, you could always say. lets not be rash. think of the different possibilities rather than take the easy way out. whats the point of going, when youve spent more than 2 years dedicating to that single cause?

there is still much to be learnt and endured. in anything anywhere, there are bound to be obstacles. its just how you want to approach it and deal with it. nothing is ever easy. nobody will ever be fully prepared. fate can be cruel and merciless, or it can be kind and predictable. whatever it is, it has to be met with with full determination. do not give up.

i make mistakes. i am careless, somehow. i am also a dreamer. i dont take things seriously because i do not think that the consequences are devastating enough for me to give a thought. everything is opinionated. follow your heart. do not copy but adapt. it is unwise to follow the crowd unless you are certain that it is the right direction. think before you do. in every situation there are many possible choices to make with many different outcomes. its how you handle it that makes it turn out great.

i feel that im lucky enough. do you feel the same way?

ROCK ON...

LOVE YOU...

next time, we'll take on LAMB OF GOD...

one earth, live it

"i know you are but what am i?" -Bart Simpson


yeah well, i know i havent been updating much. and you people dont tag much either. im just caught up with a lot of schoolwork (submission in 2 weeks time), which is gawd-awful, poly50 training and laziness. and for the sake of live earth, which was two days ago, im gonna type in green.


these few days have been uneventful i guess. the usual - late for lecture, attending half tutorial to go band/soccer/eat/soccer/soccer. havent been gyming these few weeks. ive gotten much skinnier around the arms, which kinda has me in a disappointing mood. and its all because of poly50. this year is my first and my last. my friend said that once you go running you lose weight. i dont see the connection but i am seeing it happen so after poly50, no more i say.


joey has been extremely active since i cleaned his tank last week. he'd swim around non-stop and keeps looking at me for food, which is good. i dont want my turtle to get unhealthy. its very menacing to go to the vet. i dont even know if vets in singapore treated turtles! they dont have anything for turtles in the pet shops. its all for cats and dogs.





there's the bugger. he's not really big, about smaller than your palm?.

i would really appreciate it if someone got me a new mouse. my mouse is dead. well, not exactly. its just that it reacts so slowly and sometimes it doesnt react at all! i need a high-class mouse. maybe a razer? hahaha..in my dreams!

that's about it for today. for those of you who read anyways.

rock on...

love you...

lateral damage

the ngee ann polytechnic concert thingy they had with the combined secondary schools was THE most awful horrifying disappointing shindig that i have ever been to. plus i paid 6 bucks for it. shame.

np band percussion really really sucked cause they kept going OFF TEMPO, even with an easy chicken feet song like INTO THE JOY OF SPRING...what a JOKE man!

and you people wore the sash on the wrong side. why the hell do you need berets indoors?

rock on...

love you...

school

somehow someway, i think that someone should rethink and remake the secondary school syllabus. and maybe JC too.

gray is a nice colour. so subtle and neutral. much like myself. gray is in everything you see and at everywhere you look. gray IS the light. without gray there would be no shades, no shifting tones. gray may be the filler but without a filler everything would be empty. gray isnt sad. its calm and silent. its cool. like the sandman! gray is the colour of shadows, of tarmac roads, of dull steel. no gray is not boring. in correct doses, gray can be spectacular. kinda like ecstacy. gray is nice and i love gray. one of my favourite colours besides all the other colours.

i dont think that dinosaurs are fierce creatures. how do you know what they think? most of them have puny brains - making them utterly retarded. all i know is, dinosaurs LOVE rainbows!

rock on..

love you...

disdain - gray is nice

"you threaten my people with death and slavery.."

"this is madness!!"

"this is Sparta!!!"

for the past three days, i went on an emotional rollercoaster. and whats the highlight of a rollercoaster? why, its the slow creepy climb to the peak - before you drop to death. and then there's always the loops to make your innards feel messed up and you have absolutely no sense of knowing which way is up.

its much the same. you feel happy, excited. next thing you know it, you're so fucked up that you wanna hurt someone real bad.

stupid band practise stupid fun day stupid band practise.

no, im not insulting the band people arh..paiseh.

rock on...

love you...

on holiday!

going to malaysia fer a study trip

wont be back till 13

rock on...

love you...

never good with colours, me...

call me

its been so lonely without her.

and she wont come for band no more.

the cruel inhumanity of love.

Ive got sore legs and blisters on my feet. my arms fall heavy to my sides. i limp as i walk. my lips are forever dry and my face shows nothing but exhaustion. see, that's what you get from poly50 training, street soccer AND gym - in three consecutive days. bugger.

I'm tired and i yearn for my love.

but there's good news!

next week marks the start holidays...

yeah, holidays start next week and we begin with a study trip to KL. after that the guys are going to CAGE at kallang to play. yup. Ive never been there before, hope these blisters heal before then. I'm gonna have so much fun next week enjoying air-con in the hotel, hotel breakfast, hotel beds etc. and the thing about hotels is that they're cleaner than resorts! and after the trip its a showdown in the CAGE. i hope i don't get thrashed that badly, though it is inevitable that i WILL get thrashed. just wanna have a good game, good time. AND after that, i will get to see her!

so all is not lost eh?

been feeling abit piratey these days.

rock on...

love you..

silence

arkitektur

sadly, none of these are mine.

rock on...

love you...

chili

i just realised that there's a lot of work that needs to be done and i havent done any...yet.


i am so falling love with the triangle. no, im not in a love triangle. just the shape. triangle. the one with the three sides. i think its amazing how you can incorporate this single shape into any structural planning and it makes it so very strong. i dont like columns. so im screwing that. maybe i wont put ANY columns in the plans. load-bearing walls maybe. i need something that is non-static.

computer games. im still obsessed with that as well. i cant have one day without playing something on the com. and that is why my progress is so damn slow. its like a virus. im so addicted to it. im like, playing the com while doing work at the same time. and only 40% is really spent on work. gosh, i havent done my model yet. im screwed!

rock on...

love you...

lithium

you're supposed to be the guy that everyone talks to, when they're down. you help console other people. you're the column that supports the slab. you're not supposed to crack, you're not supposed to breakdown.

but what if you do?

what if the column crashes...what if the wall breaks? what if you need to cry? what if you're tired. exhausted. then what do you do? who do you turn to?

im tired. im waiting. but waiting for what? im always waiting. what if the thing im waiting for never happens? would it be worth the wait? i must always 'gamble' my choices. cause people wont accept certain choices but not me. i accept anything, everything.

because im not political you see. im always the nice guy. im always the helping hand, the open friend. but nice guys finish last. they always do. its a cruel fate. nice guys always get pummeled. then they get thrashed again, if they don't play their cards wrong. unlike bad guys. they get to do all the pummelling. and that's all they've got to worry about. but i cant help being nice. that's just me. but what if i was bad?

im always there for you. but now you always say you've changed. of course people change. and so what if you've changed? i cant get peace. i cant get happiness anymore. even if i do, it's all false hope. an empty mask. there is nothing behind the door, no matter how pretty the door looks like. happiness is sort-lived. sorrow, is not.

its getting very cold. very cold. whatever happened to the past? the past is always better. the future is bleak. we were born in the past. but we die in the future. seeing you doesn't make me happier anymore. im transparent again. im the shade in your mind, that you keep at the back of your head. im always getting pushed away. i wished that you've never changed.

now i sit alone. no one calls me. you're always busy. busy little bumblebee. look i know its your O's. but i had my O's too. and i didn't complain. i had you too. i know you cheered me on. and i responded. ok fine. now its your turn. im cheering you on.

and you ignore me.

businessmen always say that being irrational in this world only brings nothing. rationality is what you really need to succeed. but i say, when being with people, rationality comes best. you decide with your heart when it comes to close friends.

but that doesn't always work. especially with you. sometimes i put in alot of hard work. but i don't get my full dues. i know you cant give me as much as i can give you. but i keep on going. i keep giving. should i continue doing that? the earth's resources are depleting. if they can deplete, wouldn't i deplete as well?

sometimes i cry inside. sometimes i yearn for you. i give myself false hope. something i tell people not to do. ironic isn't it? i don't know whats wrong with me. but if you do, if any of you do, please tell me.

rock on...

love you...

tired

that stupid phone keeps ringing on and on.

poly50 training is so damn tiring. but it wasnt so bad.

i havent cleaned my terrarium for weeks.

i also havent done e-learning.

my room is always a mess.

i cant see my girlfriend.

my computer always lags like an old grandma.

and magic cards costs so fucking expensive.

i dont like blogging that much anymore.

its just dumb.

rock on...

love you...

metal baboons

"how was the jam?"

"better than the peanut butter"

hi guys. school's a drag, as usual. many dudes and dudesses fail to do their work. im no exception.

"you have to be consistent"

"i am consistent! consistently bad!"

XD. nice one reynold.

went to jam at moberly for the first time. not bad. just average. they have this big space for us to 'lounge' with extra comfy crumpler bean bags. the drums arent really tuned. and i didnt bother to tune them anyway. so it was just the five of us being wacky, trying out all the different instruments and stuff like that. should have taken pictures but nah, i'd rather play the drums.

went for my first jamming session in like how many donkey years?! it was with dan's friend. and we were playing metallica. metallica. XD. im like. ok. anything man, as long as i get to play. and so we played fuel (which i messed up initially), for whom the bell tolls (which i owned), fade to black ( i improvised the entire thing XD) and the rather infamous master of puppets (my fave).
i made alot of mistakes. so i sucked. but my friend said i was good. so i dunno.

****

coincidentally met with karen, angela, timothy (his name's timothy right?) and rain at tiong after gym today. sam didnt go gym cuz of his checkup, the poor sod. hope he's okay. we ate at kopitiam ( i tapao-ed BK) where they kept saying bad things about angela in hokkien. i didnt understand a single word they said. but i didnt laugh even though i felt like it. sorry angela. then she got fed up. so they stopped.

i havent been much creative these days. i dunno. i need juice. inspiration, no? need to read more comics. the sandman, the dark night, lucifer...anything! i just wana draw again. and i get so emo if i cant draw anything. yeah i get emo...abit. but only abit. yeap.

my teacher once told me. a picture paints a thousand words, so if you put pictures in your essay then you dont have to write that much. right. so next time i'll draw something. then i dont have to type so much.

love you...

rock on...

been

been a while.

been very busy with school work this past week. total non-stop action.

been obsessed with going to the gym these days. im overjoyed that i gained 2 kilos! usually people dread gaining weight but as for me, im the opposite. i guess you would call it inverse-anorexia. i need to put on more weight!

been stuck thinking about magic. ahh magic. lovely magic. my heart falters as i unwrap the foil of a brand new deck of cards. then i playtested with sam. and lost alot. which i wasnt happy about but it is a new unmodified untested unfamiliar deck. so that kinda makes up for that. but its fun. suspend is fun. fear is fun. shadow is fun. having multiple upkeeps with suspend is great!

been playing diablo 2. i know its an old game. but when u play on hamachi, its lots more enjoyable. now i got an excuse to stop doing work XD.


anyway, here's my VERY FIRST shoe drawing...for Sam.

the mighty Zeus..."you're kinda slow for a human aren't ya?"

rock on...

love you...

planar chaos

nothing much to talk about really. just work and more work. unfinished. dzaki you are undone.
so just pics..




at my gran's place.

mrt.

still at the mrt. i wont tell you which mrt. go figure.

this is called 'Something for Sam - Overrun'. still havent finished. its lacking something. i dont like it at all.

yeap, gonna change font starting today. goodbye ARIAL. hello FONT. im just too lazy to change font anymore.

till next time,

rock on...

love you...

classico

bad day

bad day.

im down with the sickness again. phlegm stuck in my throat. mucus inhabiting my nostril cavity (is that what it's called?). i dont think the lemsip helps. and i refuse to go to the doctor. unless i got fever. which i dont.

i cleaned my room today. rejoice! hahaha. though it doesnt actually feel different. it still has that opression-ness (is that a word?) yet retains that warm and comfy feel to it. but i wish my room was a lot bigger. big enough to squeeze in a drumset maybe?

damn. i still got assignment to do. draw out some concept of the apartment in mind. i still havent been to the site. unbelievable eh? now i needa go buy A3 paper from the stores. i dont think popular has A3. i'll go check it out. if not, then art friend ART FRIEND. all praise be to art friend!

things are unbelievably slow these days. slow is good. 'more time'. then again, slow is bad. 'boring'. the days when u have so much to do, time goes fast. the days when you have nothing to do, time moves at a snail's pace.

haha. i think ive lost touch with the english language. though i still think my english is comprehendable no? the dictionary is my good good friend.

ive been reading the sandman again. sarah is going to be so displeased. cause i think it messes with my head abit. but its a very intellectual book. dark fantasy. praise be to neil gaiman (finally got his name). if you happen to be in the vicinity of a library, go check it out.

singaporeans are fickle minded yeah. not all. but most. i saw this movie at the picture house yesterday. about soccer in singapore. and one scene was PRICELESS. it was the one about the tiger cup. during the event many of us singaporeans cheered the lions. way to go. the next day however, none of us waved/cheered/praised them when they paraded down orchard road on top of an open deck bus.

hey, what happened to the patriotism? the looks on all of their faces. the players that did us proud. looks of anguish. betrayal. lost. its as if nothing has happened. its as if the tiger cup has never existed and all their hard work are put to waste. its a shame seeing my country like this.

cheh. patriotic seh. but seriously. is this what the nation has become? so involved in their 'kiasu-ness' that they have become so self-centered? the world has gone insane. our nation has. in its attempt to make it 'to the top', its citizens have become immoral and passionless. singapore is a machine. not a country. from its houses to its people. le corbusier would be proud!

i hope i dont get pummeled or taken to jail for this. ahaha. thats what they would do to you.

love you...
rock on...

take care sayang...

(sorry no pictures today)

rutabaga

some random pictures...

no drawings today..




its raining outside.

so i cook some pasta.

looks tasty...havent tried though.

spartan shoes!

a sword holder i made for samuel.

sword holder with the sword.

yeah...just some random pictures.

there's no school for the rest of the week! XD

love you...

rock on...

hey

" wont somebody come along and teach me how to keep it alive...to survive ''

its really stressing, keeping up with datelines. so much stress, so much pressure. i just got to keep it under control. i want to do well. after a year wasted, i dont think i'd wana play around anymore. i wana make it big. i wana score. i wana get good grades. finally, the feeling is coming back. the desire to do well, to achieve good results. someting i havent felt since sec two. or since i started playing drums. the desire to draw better, to drumroll seamlessly, to play paradiddles.

now the desire is to design well. to pay carefull attention during class. to not miss lectures. to attend school punctually. to give a damn about my education. i've gone too far to change direction. if i wana do anything significant in my life now is the time. now is the time to shine. my time, is now. i was given a second chance. let's not blow it away. cause a lot of people have faith in me. i will not cast them aside.

and sarah. she's studying hard too. to get her As. to prove to others that have mocked her. so should i. i must study harder. go the distance. however, i do get lonely sometimes. cause when she studies, she thinks of only studying. she has put me on hold. i understand her decision. but i feel so cold.

i shiver.




i read The Sandman the other day at the library. sometimes i think im crazy. reading all this sinister dark stuff. like my mind's gone wack or something. for those who dont know Sandman - go google it..sandman - neil something..the author. its deep stuff.

then i read batman. also deep stuff. i dont read those normal comic books. i read...other stuff. and for what? inspiration i'd usually say. but somehow, reading these makes me feel at home. like im welcomed, accepted. im telling you, im crazy.

what would you do if you were crazy?

i so feel like drawing something. drawing how i feel. but there's no time for that now. gotta do school work. more important. forgive me for being a geek.

rock on...
love you...

is rain-ing again

"..no leh, you draw nicer than me what. my drawings all suck.."

i've been very busy the last few days, slogging on my school work. three projects together, all at one go. the dateline's ('deadline') on monday next week and its very stressing once you know that things might not finish on time. then again, things never finish on time. my drawings look abit untidy lately, very shaky. i told my friend:

me: its been very long time since i drew anything architectural..

friend: but you keep drawing those dragons and samurai instead right?

me: hell yeah..

a few pics

my messy workstation at home.




its an awful drawing really. zaha hadid's spittelau housing.



sometimes i think that my fate is all wrong. like you know, you're in the wrong place and everything just doesnt seem to fit. however, there is also this false sense of destiny that what you're doing now is actually supposed to happen and that you are suppose to fulfill it. damn. im just talking crap.

hahaha..i like playing with the different font sizes. there is this hierarchy of big to small.

****

i finally got to go to the gym today. though sam was a bit late. not alot of time actually, cause school ended at 3. music class was awesome! easily the best module i have so far. my group is the totally nonsense group that kept giving all the weird and funny answers that made the whole class laugh..lah.

after gym me and sam went tiong for food. then he kept complaining he didnt want to go tuition. but i persuaded him to go cause his exams are near. might as well go eh? then i met angela and her friends at mac. crashed with her for awhile cause i didnt wana take the train at that time. too crowded. then when we were leaving i met poh gek with her friends as well. neat. i got someone to go home with. XD

then on the train i listened to GESS syf recording. ok. it didnt sound like gold. i kept complaining that trumpets were noisy. XD. kidding alrght?

****

and i so totally miss her.

rock on...

love you...

hey

today is a slow day. 'cause today is sunday?

played lan yesterday, with ian and sam. CnC 3. oh hell, it was loads of fun. my second time playing the game. something new. yet, so familiar. at first i used some GDI nonsense, only to fall in love with the Skrin. hahaha. you wouldnt imagine how devastatingly poweful they are. the memorable match of the day would be the 3rd match, where we were up against 3 medium enemies (relax, we are still noobish). sam's base was almost wiped out, if i had come to late. the poor lad didnt build any anti-air and the enemy Skrin sent like 3 or 4 of their warships (cant remember name). luckily, i had a battalion of skrin planes (also cant remember name) to help him. all was lost when his base was struck by the enemy superweapon.

hahahahaha.

and what followed shortly, was the destruction of the enemy forces, thanks to my imba army of tripods! (yes, theyre tripods). plus i had this imba mothership...

ian: hey, whats that?
me: the mothership
sam: cannot attack meh? doing nothing..
me: attacking..

*on screen* the mothership charges..

FIRE!!!

then theres this thin laser that charges down onto the enemy defences, wiping them out completely.

sam/ian: what the fuck!!??
me: XD

then ian said: dzak..i bomb your base can anot?
me: huh? well..look at your base la

ian looks at his base. 5 huge skrin warships flanked by medium tanks crowd around his power plants...

ian:...
me: you still wana bomb my base?

fun time we had yesterday night. completely cheered me up.

****

sarah and i are okay now. thank you all.

before i forget, a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my unofficial sis. take care now aite?

sorry today no pictures. architecture = busy course = lots to think about (like where to put toilet..lol jk)..

love you..

rock on...

token

a very big thank you to all of you guys that have taken your own personal time to encourage me and to not give up. i will make an effort to rectify this problem. but seriously, thank you. never have i seen so many people supporting me. so thanks!

there were happier times..

rock on...

love you..

i still do...

lets fix this...

together...

i fucking hate mosquitos

what a way to start the first day of school!

"class, for today's site visit, we are going to punggol".

punggol?

punggol??

"you go there on your own..no transport provided"

****

from ian..dunno where he got it from

lols

****

sianz you know. why is it that we quarrel everyday. it just doesn't feel right to me. everyday cant pass without us fighting over something. and that's not good at all. of course at the end of the day all is well. but this isn't going to good right?

the problems are imminent.

rock on...

love you...

psychic spies from china try to steal your mind's elation

believe you me, watching from the audience is much more nerve-wrecking than playing on stage. why? cause you have absolutely no control over how they are playing.



this year's SYF was silver again, much to the disappointment of many. i wouldn't imagine that they/we/i would go through this scene again. its like deja vu. on the other hand (there's always another hand isn't there?), they managed to maintain their silver.

nowadays me and sarah are like, quarreling over stuff. which is bad. but somehow we managed to settle everything. which is good. but looking at the rate of how fast these petty disputes come and go gives me false sense of security that our relationship can last. which is bad. and another thing is, i think someone is falling for me. which is worse.

almost every one of my friends will say, "oh you're still with sarah? that's so long.". and what? you expect it to be shorter? I'm just puzzled.

and to make things even worse, my school is starting next week, so i wont be coming for band anymore (serious). I'm sure she wont like it. she wants me to visit. but every time i come for band we're bound to maybe quarrel abit.

maybe the fire is dying. maybe the passion is no more. i dunno. haha. many of my friends are going through tough times. maybe now is the time i join them.

****

i wouldnt want to end this post on a solemn emo note. but thats the way it is now. ever since arsenal got kicked out of every major cup my life's been going down the gutter. and let me tell you gutters are always packed with dead pigeons and rotting leaves. i would rather be in the drain.

and i havent drawn anything. i just couldnt bring myself to do anything. shit la. why am i so emo? no. i cannot be emo. all these are not emo speak. just what happened. thats all. so sorry. no pictures to garnish this post. maybe next post ya?

and for those bandmembers who are sooo sad AND disappointed, go read daryl's post on the band blog. i got the linked by the way..

<<<< its over here

rock on...

love you...

1st student leader investiture

1st student leader investiture

ever...

this is what i was doing damn late at night yesterday night/morning. i took the picture while i was half finished? for the juniors. maybe im too nice.

i got the badge though...

****

so i had this conversation just now...

Mr Mui : So Dzaki you're still drawing those dragons nowadays?

Me : Yeah...(never stopped dude)

Hence...

in Gan Eng Seng school im known for what? drawing dragons, beast, demons, samurai etc.? while other poeple are known for scoring >6 distinctions for 'O's?

XD

a message to the art board in GESS :

PLEASE PRINT OUT MY COMIC BOOK AND PUT IT ON THE WALL LIKE EVERYBODY ELSES' WORK! ITS DAMN UNFAIR YOU KNOW.

rock on...

love you...