hey

" wont somebody come along and teach me how to keep it alive...to survive ''

its really stressing, keeping up with datelines. so much stress, so much pressure. i just got to keep it under control. i want to do well. after a year wasted, i dont think i'd wana play around anymore. i wana make it big. i wana score. i wana get good grades. finally, the feeling is coming back. the desire to do well, to achieve good results. someting i havent felt since sec two. or since i started playing drums. the desire to draw better, to drumroll seamlessly, to play paradiddles.

now the desire is to design well. to pay carefull attention during class. to not miss lectures. to attend school punctually. to give a damn about my education. i've gone too far to change direction. if i wana do anything significant in my life now is the time. now is the time to shine. my time, is now. i was given a second chance. let's not blow it away. cause a lot of people have faith in me. i will not cast them aside.

and sarah. she's studying hard too. to get her As. to prove to others that have mocked her. so should i. i must study harder. go the distance. however, i do get lonely sometimes. cause when she studies, she thinks of only studying. she has put me on hold. i understand her decision. but i feel so cold.

i shiver.




i read The Sandman the other day at the library. sometimes i think im crazy. reading all this sinister dark stuff. like my mind's gone wack or something. for those who dont know Sandman - go google it..sandman - neil something..the author. its deep stuff.

then i read batman. also deep stuff. i dont read those normal comic books. i read...other stuff. and for what? inspiration i'd usually say. but somehow, reading these makes me feel at home. like im welcomed, accepted. im telling you, im crazy.

what would you do if you were crazy?

i so feel like drawing something. drawing how i feel. but there's no time for that now. gotta do school work. more important. forgive me for being a geek.

rock on...
love you...

is rain-ing again

"..no leh, you draw nicer than me what. my drawings all suck.."

i've been very busy the last few days, slogging on my school work. three projects together, all at one go. the dateline's ('deadline') on monday next week and its very stressing once you know that things might not finish on time. then again, things never finish on time. my drawings look abit untidy lately, very shaky. i told my friend:

me: its been very long time since i drew anything architectural..

friend: but you keep drawing those dragons and samurai instead right?

me: hell yeah..

a few pics

my messy workstation at home.




its an awful drawing really. zaha hadid's spittelau housing.



sometimes i think that my fate is all wrong. like you know, you're in the wrong place and everything just doesnt seem to fit. however, there is also this false sense of destiny that what you're doing now is actually supposed to happen and that you are suppose to fulfill it. damn. im just talking crap.

hahaha..i like playing with the different font sizes. there is this hierarchy of big to small.

****

i finally got to go to the gym today. though sam was a bit late. not alot of time actually, cause school ended at 3. music class was awesome! easily the best module i have so far. my group is the totally nonsense group that kept giving all the weird and funny answers that made the whole class laugh..lah.

after gym me and sam went tiong for food. then he kept complaining he didnt want to go tuition. but i persuaded him to go cause his exams are near. might as well go eh? then i met angela and her friends at mac. crashed with her for awhile cause i didnt wana take the train at that time. too crowded. then when we were leaving i met poh gek with her friends as well. neat. i got someone to go home with. XD

then on the train i listened to GESS syf recording. ok. it didnt sound like gold. i kept complaining that trumpets were noisy. XD. kidding alrght?

****

and i so totally miss her.

rock on...

love you...

hey

today is a slow day. 'cause today is sunday?

played lan yesterday, with ian and sam. CnC 3. oh hell, it was loads of fun. my second time playing the game. something new. yet, so familiar. at first i used some GDI nonsense, only to fall in love with the Skrin. hahaha. you wouldnt imagine how devastatingly poweful they are. the memorable match of the day would be the 3rd match, where we were up against 3 medium enemies (relax, we are still noobish). sam's base was almost wiped out, if i had come to late. the poor lad didnt build any anti-air and the enemy Skrin sent like 3 or 4 of their warships (cant remember name). luckily, i had a battalion of skrin planes (also cant remember name) to help him. all was lost when his base was struck by the enemy superweapon.

hahahahaha.

and what followed shortly, was the destruction of the enemy forces, thanks to my imba army of tripods! (yes, theyre tripods). plus i had this imba mothership...

ian: hey, whats that?
me: the mothership
sam: cannot attack meh? doing nothing..
me: attacking..

*on screen* the mothership charges..

FIRE!!!

then theres this thin laser that charges down onto the enemy defences, wiping them out completely.

sam/ian: what the fuck!!??
me: XD

then ian said: dzak..i bomb your base can anot?
me: huh? well..look at your base la

ian looks at his base. 5 huge skrin warships flanked by medium tanks crowd around his power plants...

ian:...
me: you still wana bomb my base?

fun time we had yesterday night. completely cheered me up.

****

sarah and i are okay now. thank you all.

before i forget, a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my unofficial sis. take care now aite?

sorry today no pictures. architecture = busy course = lots to think about (like where to put toilet..lol jk)..

love you..

rock on...

token

a very big thank you to all of you guys that have taken your own personal time to encourage me and to not give up. i will make an effort to rectify this problem. but seriously, thank you. never have i seen so many people supporting me. so thanks!

there were happier times..

rock on...

love you..

i still do...

lets fix this...

together...

i fucking hate mosquitos

what a way to start the first day of school!

"class, for today's site visit, we are going to punggol".

punggol?

punggol??

"you go there on your own..no transport provided"

****

from ian..dunno where he got it from

lols

****

sianz you know. why is it that we quarrel everyday. it just doesn't feel right to me. everyday cant pass without us fighting over something. and that's not good at all. of course at the end of the day all is well. but this isn't going to good right?

the problems are imminent.

rock on...

love you...

psychic spies from china try to steal your mind's elation

believe you me, watching from the audience is much more nerve-wrecking than playing on stage. why? cause you have absolutely no control over how they are playing.



this year's SYF was silver again, much to the disappointment of many. i wouldn't imagine that they/we/i would go through this scene again. its like deja vu. on the other hand (there's always another hand isn't there?), they managed to maintain their silver.

nowadays me and sarah are like, quarreling over stuff. which is bad. but somehow we managed to settle everything. which is good. but looking at the rate of how fast these petty disputes come and go gives me false sense of security that our relationship can last. which is bad. and another thing is, i think someone is falling for me. which is worse.

almost every one of my friends will say, "oh you're still with sarah? that's so long.". and what? you expect it to be shorter? I'm just puzzled.

and to make things even worse, my school is starting next week, so i wont be coming for band anymore (serious). I'm sure she wont like it. she wants me to visit. but every time i come for band we're bound to maybe quarrel abit.

maybe the fire is dying. maybe the passion is no more. i dunno. haha. many of my friends are going through tough times. maybe now is the time i join them.

****

i wouldnt want to end this post on a solemn emo note. but thats the way it is now. ever since arsenal got kicked out of every major cup my life's been going down the gutter. and let me tell you gutters are always packed with dead pigeons and rotting leaves. i would rather be in the drain.

and i havent drawn anything. i just couldnt bring myself to do anything. shit la. why am i so emo? no. i cannot be emo. all these are not emo speak. just what happened. thats all. so sorry. no pictures to garnish this post. maybe next post ya?

and for those bandmembers who are sooo sad AND disappointed, go read daryl's post on the band blog. i got the linked by the way..

<<<< its over here

rock on...

love you...