experiment. 222

what was i thinking. what was i planning all this time. was there even a plan dzaki? or was it unintentional? i didnt think of it this way. i always thought of the upper side of things. it wasnt well-thought anyway. so unexpected, given the wrong timing.

i read that compatibility among partners doesnt necessarily mean having the same interests, hobbies etc. but more of having the same or similar outlooks on leading one's life, being together that kind of thing. sure it helps to have the same interests but sometimes that is not enough.

so no more hiding under no rocks, no more running away, no more of dumping stuff in the closet. its time to take things off my chest and start breathing again. though will doing this be wise i dont know.

the truth

i do think that we can get along. if we couldnt then these three years are lies. there has to be some equation. im talking in your terms now miss scientist. there has to be an equation like a+b=makes it work and im willing to find out. its not all about going with the flow anymore. now its getting technical. and 3 years, surely everything has watered down. a gift now doesnt have the same impact as it did three years back.

so its time for a change. any change, in our relationship-lifestyle. going out more often, doing different things, playing different games, talking about other stuff we've never talked before etc. there is so little i can think of. but all these things. it takes time and effort. time, a commodity that you dont have. why is it always this way. when i have the time, you dont. when you have the time, i dont. its been like that for 3 years and its none of our fault.

attitude wise, ive become less patient. i blame it on myself and because of my lack of discipline. im not the same person a year ago, who is stronger and more calm. i blame it on the three years, of self-dedication. maybe all these have run dry. but how do i replenish them?

and you. you have to change as well. stop being the same sensitive, negative person you are. its been going on since the time i met you, or you met me whichever came first. you have to change. ive been flooded with negativity for the past years and im trying to help. so lets make this stop. stop worrying about unnecessary stuff. dont get stressed out over time. everyone has 24 hours just like you. everyone has assignments. dont fret. you can still do it. dont be all wound up like a tight ball. it just makes you even more sensitive, which is another thing.

and me? i admit i may be insensitive and unromantic. but i cant be when your so sensitive and stressed. i want to help you too. i know, ive been late alot of times. this is because of my lifestyle which im not proud of. but im trying to change. to wake up earlier. ive started drawing again. drawing for me is a positive thing.

and about physical looks. this is the bomb. the killer finale. do i think youre fat? well, to me you look ok. you look fine. everyone says you look okay. which is good. all i need is someone that is less dead. like more energy and stuff. abit more. you know i dont expect miracles but slowly we can make this work.

but im selfish. im a selfish jerk and asshole. i always think that you look better if youre slimmer. thus the exercise and proper food things. dont get me wrong. im only human. everyone has this dark desire for something be it cars money or wealth. i cant help it. been thinking about it for so long.

and i will try my best to not dig something from the past be it positive or negative because it only makes it worse.

rock on..

love you?