cheap shot

ya i know im very lame..


so i met this guy. and he has the same name as me. without the 'd' infront. so zaki, not dzaki. and he's this storyboard director/animator/comic book artist/alot of things. so i met him one day and then i suddenly realised how much more effort i need to put in to improve my drawing skills. the best part about this guy is that he's self-taught. that means very long dedicated hours in the library pouring over art books and then practising and honing his skills. talk about determination.

so he says (and demonstrates) that i still got a long way to go. he's been doing his thing for more than 10years now and i really look up to that uh. its very funny. whenever he talks to me he feels like he's talking to himself xD. cause of the same names thing. so anyway now i gotta go library almost everyday to draw and draw and draw cause thats the place where im most productive. but how am i supposed to hit the gym then?

anatomical studies - must really observe and draw and then pull it apart. and then put it back together again. im seeing alot of work ahead of me. but it'll all work out fine because i cant wait to reap the benefits. and when i enter nafa hopefully this slump of mine will go away and i'll be back like the good ol days.

PON PON PATA PON = chiong arh

rock on

love you

experiment. 222

what was i thinking. what was i planning all this time. was there even a plan dzaki? or was it unintentional? i didnt think of it this way. i always thought of the upper side of things. it wasnt well-thought anyway. so unexpected, given the wrong timing.

i read that compatibility among partners doesnt necessarily mean having the same interests, hobbies etc. but more of having the same or similar outlooks on leading one's life, being together that kind of thing. sure it helps to have the same interests but sometimes that is not enough.

so no more hiding under no rocks, no more running away, no more of dumping stuff in the closet. its time to take things off my chest and start breathing again. though will doing this be wise i dont know.

the truth

i do think that we can get along. if we couldnt then these three years are lies. there has to be some equation. im talking in your terms now miss scientist. there has to be an equation like a+b=makes it work and im willing to find out. its not all about going with the flow anymore. now its getting technical. and 3 years, surely everything has watered down. a gift now doesnt have the same impact as it did three years back.

so its time for a change. any change, in our relationship-lifestyle. going out more often, doing different things, playing different games, talking about other stuff we've never talked before etc. there is so little i can think of. but all these things. it takes time and effort. time, a commodity that you dont have. why is it always this way. when i have the time, you dont. when you have the time, i dont. its been like that for 3 years and its none of our fault.

attitude wise, ive become less patient. i blame it on myself and because of my lack of discipline. im not the same person a year ago, who is stronger and more calm. i blame it on the three years, of self-dedication. maybe all these have run dry. but how do i replenish them?

and you. you have to change as well. stop being the same sensitive, negative person you are. its been going on since the time i met you, or you met me whichever came first. you have to change. ive been flooded with negativity for the past years and im trying to help. so lets make this stop. stop worrying about unnecessary stuff. dont get stressed out over time. everyone has 24 hours just like you. everyone has assignments. dont fret. you can still do it. dont be all wound up like a tight ball. it just makes you even more sensitive, which is another thing.

and me? i admit i may be insensitive and unromantic. but i cant be when your so sensitive and stressed. i want to help you too. i know, ive been late alot of times. this is because of my lifestyle which im not proud of. but im trying to change. to wake up earlier. ive started drawing again. drawing for me is a positive thing.

and about physical looks. this is the bomb. the killer finale. do i think youre fat? well, to me you look ok. you look fine. everyone says you look okay. which is good. all i need is someone that is less dead. like more energy and stuff. abit more. you know i dont expect miracles but slowly we can make this work.

but im selfish. im a selfish jerk and asshole. i always think that you look better if youre slimmer. thus the exercise and proper food things. dont get me wrong. im only human. everyone has this dark desire for something be it cars money or wealth. i cant help it. been thinking about it for so long.

and i will try my best to not dig something from the past be it positive or negative because it only makes it worse.

rock on..

love you?

mr reynolds eh

check this guy out

wayne reynolds

dont want to?

nevermind, here's something



this guy is mind blowing

rock on

love you

.

sometimes you wish you could fly away. into some foreign land. where you do not have to worry about anything. where you can work without trouble. work the lands or whatever. grow up with nature. live an easy life. a simple life perhaps. then get married. raise a family. like village life sia.

sometimes living in singapore, with all its merits, has disadvantages. its so compact. theres nothing much you can do. its like playing a simple 2d side scrolling game like mario. complete the levels, beat the boss and then rescue the princess. except that mario is more exciting. heres and example. i went rednano.sg and it is shit. i wanted to look for a gaming community in singapore. maybe i didnt look hard enough but i didnt get good results. i want to be surrounded by people who are similar to me, who share the same thoughts and all that.

maybe i should go join a forum. but i want more than that. like you know in the states where they have fraternities or sororities. or maybe i should have joined JC. haha. but couldnt, not with my results anyway. singapore is not a red dot, its more of a red line. cross it and you die. you have to follow. follow the line. grow up. primary school. psle. secondary school. o level. JC/poly. diploma/a level. (ns)university. degree. i mean come on.

theres not much options for other courses of life. what if someone dreams of becoming a fashion designer? a firefighter? or something else that is less associated with the more popular careers in singapore? thats what i think is done to us. its like we keep thinking that we need to be this tall to ride the rollercoaster.

why cant we do something else instead? thats why people immigrate.

rock on..

love you..

3MC Reunion

remember when you were in school. and you had this group of friends. whom you eat sleep and shat with. not to mention play soccer with during o levels?

3mc stands for 3 malay 3 chinese. 3 of which takes the same train at the same exact time every morning. 4 of which are in band. all 6 of them crazy and together. and they are: (alphabetical order)

ahmad
desmond
dzaki
hafiz
ian
samuel

and then we met. yesterday. all 6 of us, sitting down on the wooden planks. drinking starbucks. vivocity. i was still in disbelief after that. usually me and the rest of the band people - ian desmond and samuel, hang out together. hafiz was always with his archery thing. and ahmad never met us at all. not even a 'yo' or a 'high' when he went JC. and suddenly yesterday hafiz smsed to mobilize all of us. because ahmad wanted to have coffee at starbucks. i havent seen him in 2 years.

and it was fucking funny. the atmosphere. the laughter. it was as it was 3 years ago, when all of us were in gan eng seng. i dont know what to say. hahaha. it was fun eh.

rock on..

love you..

3MC uh..wear the colours

my sugar

when she arrived, so happy.





and then after careful assembly..




actually uh. the show they showing on Suria, called Anugerah Band, rocks man. thats why malay people can play rock. go watch it.


rock on..

love you..

i think im being emotional here

you asked me "why you always have to go to ian, not ian go to you?"
well then, "why i always have to go to sarah and not sarah go to me?"
im pulling my hair out
when was the last time you tagged on my blog?
when was the last time you did something for me
i drew alot for you
=(
im going swimming

sarah lee yanar says:
den tell me wat do you wan

raeborn says:
i want you to appreciate me
i can never get the things i wan
its depressing
i go see you, do your work, carry your bag
buy you food
share my food
share my money
sarah lee yanar says:
y r u saying all this?
raeborn says:
because its not fair

sarah lee yanar says:
juz break up if u dnt lyk it

raeborn says:
so like that is it?
you make me do all that and then u running away
what are you using me isit?
is that it?
when i ask you for something like right now, you run away??
is that it?
what only when im sick or coughing then you care about me?
who messages you now anyway?
me right?
who thinks about you day and night
i know you got a lot of work
but then cant you just pause and give me a decent slice of your time?
when i was taking architecture, i always stopped for a while to give some time to you
its not that i go hang out with my friends ALL THE TIME right?
your not being fair to me
three years already
oh and im very sure you wont be free on wednesday right
so ive been tricked
fooled by you
used by you
is that it?
i cant take it anymore
3 years sarah
3 years ive been looking after you
IS IT WRONG TO HAVE SOMETHING BACK IN RETURN?
i want to kill myself
so that im away from everyone
so i can be alone
alone all to mself
no one to look after and no one to look after me
its the most equal treatment ever
cause you just run way again, by signing off like that
YOU ALWAYS DO THAT, YOU ALWAYS RUN AWAY FROM ME.

216 post - my old block number

i met jon today. and this is official. johnathan cheng ming hua is alot fitter than i am, able to run 5km everyday/or afternoon and carrying a 25kg army pack. ok screw it all the army guys are better than me xD. i cant even run 2km now. that means i am gona die.

then we went to watch this acjc guitar ensemble. i wouldnt say that its better than acdc but quite ok uh. but considering they got GWH for syf last year im kinda disappointed with the playing uh. can be much better. but its like ten bucks and the songs were short. and im so used to listening to heavy metal that classical songs dont sound so appealing anymore. but perhaps that there is more dynamism invovled in band music as compared to this guitar ensemble style of playing that makes it less interesting. a few talented people out there but i bet they'd sound much better with a fender or a gibson in their hands.

so i finally got things to do after meeting azar and the bunch today. some animation thing. something me and him were thinking of doing when we were in gess. i think that this is some kind of opportunity so just grab lah. see how it goes. its like a roller coaster you know, you cant really see it coming but boy can you feel it when it comes.

happy moms day! i think i'll go draw something for her now, maybe a dragon or two.

rock on..

love you..

miss you..

alan lee

val. take a look at alan lee's.

so if you cant draw trees for nuts,(or trees with nuts for that matter) take a few pointers from him.

rock on..

love you..

and so

[picture removed by request of client] next week then show ok..relax

i did these for a friend of mine who BADLY needed sketches for his ASSingment. lol. turned out pretty okay i guess (in my terms, 'pretty much okay' = 'this close to sucks'). then i told sam, "this is the most gawd-damn nicest tree i've ever drawn". maybe, was his reply.

we were sitting at queenstown library, freezing my ass off. xunhao (haoge) was there too and i was like shocked and surprised to see the measure of work he's putting in for the exams. did a quick sketch of him secretly. haha. didnt look anything like him but the posture was perfect. gave it to him as a good luck thingy.

nothing much to do these days except draw, which is a lot but other than that its a one person affair. funny how you wished for holiday when youre having school and when youre not having any school, you complain that theres no school. yeah, i know the word is irony, dont have to tell me. now im just waiting till 21 july. argh. fast forward time please!

was supposed to see sarah today but she couldnt. one week havent seen her already. one hour's chat does not equate to physical presence but still, just have to wait uh.

rock on..

love you..

ATTENTION

gold-titanium alloy

"the truth is..i am ironman"

im so sorry that i didnt get to watch it with you. i mean you didnt get to watch it with me.

so today, had a little rendezvous with sarah at one fullerton. so she says 'i think i have a fever'and i went 'oh no'. i was still shagged from crashing at desmond's place, watching liverpool lose to chelsea. so i said, 'you wait for me there, im coming'. i went all the way back home from queenstown and then took 502 to esplanade. i tell you, i thought the bus trip was going to be fast. it wasnt. i dont survive long bus trips, i tend to get uncomfortable, i can be like the merlion no? thankfully that wasnt the case and i was so relieved when the bus reached the esplanade bus stop.

im so glad that for sarah. now she's not as lonely as last time and is less conservative. her poly friends are a handful i can tell you that, especially haz (is that how you call it?) there are very very friendly =) which is good cause i tend to get quiet and think that im dull and stuff. which happens sometimes. after that, ate at marina square. my heart skipped a beat when i heard 'i live in jurong too! me too!'. i was scared. personally i dont mind having someone going home in the same direction but i like my travelling time to be my private time =). oh yeah some intro. if i recall properly there is ning, haz and michelle. the two guys are warren and mr eccentric.

met htat and chon in. and leslie too. at GV. the old days. back in primary school. rawks.




rock on..

love you..