heyt

meh. selamat hari raya aidilfitri to all out there :)

gurren

Sometimes I wish I could be alone for some time, with nobody but me. No Law, no Religion and no Rules really. If you're bound by so many little and big things how do you Live? And how do you choose to live?

But that's just silly thinking. I should probably get back to work.

on the

tears fall from the shameless. shelter me, guide me to the edge of the water. selfless are the righteous. burden me, lead me like a lamb to the slaughter.

the questioning

I guess the reason why I cannot sleep at night, is because I'm left questioning myself. I question and regret so many things. And I always wonder why things are the way they are. I think usually if you end up doing this, it means that some or most parts of your life is unsatisfying and unfulfilling.

What exactly am I doing with my life? I cannot seem to see the point in many things right now. I keep thinking about what I have. About what I don't have. The life I want, the life I am living and the life I've lived. And it's seemingly bringing me to a point where I keep having grisly demoralizing thoughts. I've lost passion. I have no more reason. I am nothing actually. What am I?

I feel dead. But maybe even being dead is less of a burden than this. And I cannot possibly be dead. Because I think, therefore I am. But if I think too much, and in the process suffer, then would thinking lead to my undoing? And so I think, and overthink, and therefore I am no more?

What is it that I want to achieve? What is it that I want? What SHOULD I want? And what is there for me? But what's the point in all that? Where does it all take you, this journey of living? And what is the point in that anyway. I see no point that is the trouble with me right now.

I feel miserable. In not achieving, not trying and even if I do and did, what's the point you tell me? Ironic isn't it, that only the day before, I thought waiting to die was rubbish. And now it's not. Sometimes you think, it's not fair right.