school

somehow someway, i think that someone should rethink and remake the secondary school syllabus. and maybe JC too.

gray is a nice colour. so subtle and neutral. much like myself. gray is in everything you see and at everywhere you look. gray IS the light. without gray there would be no shades, no shifting tones. gray may be the filler but without a filler everything would be empty. gray isnt sad. its calm and silent. its cool. like the sandman! gray is the colour of shadows, of tarmac roads, of dull steel. no gray is not boring. in correct doses, gray can be spectacular. kinda like ecstacy. gray is nice and i love gray. one of my favourite colours besides all the other colours.

i dont think that dinosaurs are fierce creatures. how do you know what they think? most of them have puny brains - making them utterly retarded. all i know is, dinosaurs LOVE rainbows!

rock on..

love you...

disdain - gray is nice

"you threaten my people with death and slavery.."

"this is madness!!"

"this is Sparta!!!"

for the past three days, i went on an emotional rollercoaster. and whats the highlight of a rollercoaster? why, its the slow creepy climb to the peak - before you drop to death. and then there's always the loops to make your innards feel messed up and you have absolutely no sense of knowing which way is up.

its much the same. you feel happy, excited. next thing you know it, you're so fucked up that you wanna hurt someone real bad.

stupid band practise stupid fun day stupid band practise.

no, im not insulting the band people arh..paiseh.

rock on...

love you...

on holiday!

going to malaysia fer a study trip

wont be back till 13

rock on...

love you...

never good with colours, me...

call me

its been so lonely without her.

and she wont come for band no more.

the cruel inhumanity of love.

Ive got sore legs and blisters on my feet. my arms fall heavy to my sides. i limp as i walk. my lips are forever dry and my face shows nothing but exhaustion. see, that's what you get from poly50 training, street soccer AND gym - in three consecutive days. bugger.

I'm tired and i yearn for my love.

but there's good news!

next week marks the start holidays...

yeah, holidays start next week and we begin with a study trip to KL. after that the guys are going to CAGE at kallang to play. yup. Ive never been there before, hope these blisters heal before then. I'm gonna have so much fun next week enjoying air-con in the hotel, hotel breakfast, hotel beds etc. and the thing about hotels is that they're cleaner than resorts! and after the trip its a showdown in the CAGE. i hope i don't get thrashed that badly, though it is inevitable that i WILL get thrashed. just wanna have a good game, good time. AND after that, i will get to see her!

so all is not lost eh?

been feeling abit piratey these days.

rock on...

love you..

silence

arkitektur

sadly, none of these are mine.

rock on...

love you...

chili

i just realised that there's a lot of work that needs to be done and i havent done any...yet.


i am so falling love with the triangle. no, im not in a love triangle. just the shape. triangle. the one with the three sides. i think its amazing how you can incorporate this single shape into any structural planning and it makes it so very strong. i dont like columns. so im screwing that. maybe i wont put ANY columns in the plans. load-bearing walls maybe. i need something that is non-static.

computer games. im still obsessed with that as well. i cant have one day without playing something on the com. and that is why my progress is so damn slow. its like a virus. im so addicted to it. im like, playing the com while doing work at the same time. and only 40% is really spent on work. gosh, i havent done my model yet. im screwed!

rock on...

love you...

lithium

you're supposed to be the guy that everyone talks to, when they're down. you help console other people. you're the column that supports the slab. you're not supposed to crack, you're not supposed to breakdown.

but what if you do?

what if the column crashes...what if the wall breaks? what if you need to cry? what if you're tired. exhausted. then what do you do? who do you turn to?

im tired. im waiting. but waiting for what? im always waiting. what if the thing im waiting for never happens? would it be worth the wait? i must always 'gamble' my choices. cause people wont accept certain choices but not me. i accept anything, everything.

because im not political you see. im always the nice guy. im always the helping hand, the open friend. but nice guys finish last. they always do. its a cruel fate. nice guys always get pummeled. then they get thrashed again, if they don't play their cards wrong. unlike bad guys. they get to do all the pummelling. and that's all they've got to worry about. but i cant help being nice. that's just me. but what if i was bad?

im always there for you. but now you always say you've changed. of course people change. and so what if you've changed? i cant get peace. i cant get happiness anymore. even if i do, it's all false hope. an empty mask. there is nothing behind the door, no matter how pretty the door looks like. happiness is sort-lived. sorrow, is not.

its getting very cold. very cold. whatever happened to the past? the past is always better. the future is bleak. we were born in the past. but we die in the future. seeing you doesn't make me happier anymore. im transparent again. im the shade in your mind, that you keep at the back of your head. im always getting pushed away. i wished that you've never changed.

now i sit alone. no one calls me. you're always busy. busy little bumblebee. look i know its your O's. but i had my O's too. and i didn't complain. i had you too. i know you cheered me on. and i responded. ok fine. now its your turn. im cheering you on.

and you ignore me.

businessmen always say that being irrational in this world only brings nothing. rationality is what you really need to succeed. but i say, when being with people, rationality comes best. you decide with your heart when it comes to close friends.

but that doesn't always work. especially with you. sometimes i put in alot of hard work. but i don't get my full dues. i know you cant give me as much as i can give you. but i keep on going. i keep giving. should i continue doing that? the earth's resources are depleting. if they can deplete, wouldn't i deplete as well?

sometimes i cry inside. sometimes i yearn for you. i give myself false hope. something i tell people not to do. ironic isn't it? i don't know whats wrong with me. but if you do, if any of you do, please tell me.

rock on...

love you...

tired

that stupid phone keeps ringing on and on.

poly50 training is so damn tiring. but it wasnt so bad.

i havent cleaned my terrarium for weeks.

i also havent done e-learning.

my room is always a mess.

i cant see my girlfriend.

my computer always lags like an old grandma.

and magic cards costs so fucking expensive.

i dont like blogging that much anymore.

its just dumb.

rock on...

love you...

metal baboons

"how was the jam?"

"better than the peanut butter"

hi guys. school's a drag, as usual. many dudes and dudesses fail to do their work. im no exception.

"you have to be consistent"

"i am consistent! consistently bad!"

XD. nice one reynold.

went to jam at moberly for the first time. not bad. just average. they have this big space for us to 'lounge' with extra comfy crumpler bean bags. the drums arent really tuned. and i didnt bother to tune them anyway. so it was just the five of us being wacky, trying out all the different instruments and stuff like that. should have taken pictures but nah, i'd rather play the drums.

went for my first jamming session in like how many donkey years?! it was with dan's friend. and we were playing metallica. metallica. XD. im like. ok. anything man, as long as i get to play. and so we played fuel (which i messed up initially), for whom the bell tolls (which i owned), fade to black ( i improvised the entire thing XD) and the rather infamous master of puppets (my fave).
i made alot of mistakes. so i sucked. but my friend said i was good. so i dunno.

****

coincidentally met with karen, angela, timothy (his name's timothy right?) and rain at tiong after gym today. sam didnt go gym cuz of his checkup, the poor sod. hope he's okay. we ate at kopitiam ( i tapao-ed BK) where they kept saying bad things about angela in hokkien. i didnt understand a single word they said. but i didnt laugh even though i felt like it. sorry angela. then she got fed up. so they stopped.

i havent been much creative these days. i dunno. i need juice. inspiration, no? need to read more comics. the sandman, the dark night, lucifer...anything! i just wana draw again. and i get so emo if i cant draw anything. yeah i get emo...abit. but only abit. yeap.

my teacher once told me. a picture paints a thousand words, so if you put pictures in your essay then you dont have to write that much. right. so next time i'll draw something. then i dont have to type so much.

love you...

rock on...

been

been a while.

been very busy with school work this past week. total non-stop action.

been obsessed with going to the gym these days. im overjoyed that i gained 2 kilos! usually people dread gaining weight but as for me, im the opposite. i guess you would call it inverse-anorexia. i need to put on more weight!

been stuck thinking about magic. ahh magic. lovely magic. my heart falters as i unwrap the foil of a brand new deck of cards. then i playtested with sam. and lost alot. which i wasnt happy about but it is a new unmodified untested unfamiliar deck. so that kinda makes up for that. but its fun. suspend is fun. fear is fun. shadow is fun. having multiple upkeeps with suspend is great!

been playing diablo 2. i know its an old game. but when u play on hamachi, its lots more enjoyable. now i got an excuse to stop doing work XD.


anyway, here's my VERY FIRST shoe drawing...for Sam.

the mighty Zeus..."you're kinda slow for a human aren't ya?"

rock on...

love you...

planar chaos

nothing much to talk about really. just work and more work. unfinished. dzaki you are undone.
so just pics..




at my gran's place.

mrt.

still at the mrt. i wont tell you which mrt. go figure.

this is called 'Something for Sam - Overrun'. still havent finished. its lacking something. i dont like it at all.

yeap, gonna change font starting today. goodbye ARIAL. hello FONT. im just too lazy to change font anymore.

till next time,

rock on...

love you...

classico

bad day

bad day.

im down with the sickness again. phlegm stuck in my throat. mucus inhabiting my nostril cavity (is that what it's called?). i dont think the lemsip helps. and i refuse to go to the doctor. unless i got fever. which i dont.

i cleaned my room today. rejoice! hahaha. though it doesnt actually feel different. it still has that opression-ness (is that a word?) yet retains that warm and comfy feel to it. but i wish my room was a lot bigger. big enough to squeeze in a drumset maybe?

damn. i still got assignment to do. draw out some concept of the apartment in mind. i still havent been to the site. unbelievable eh? now i needa go buy A3 paper from the stores. i dont think popular has A3. i'll go check it out. if not, then art friend ART FRIEND. all praise be to art friend!

things are unbelievably slow these days. slow is good. 'more time'. then again, slow is bad. 'boring'. the days when u have so much to do, time goes fast. the days when you have nothing to do, time moves at a snail's pace.

haha. i think ive lost touch with the english language. though i still think my english is comprehendable no? the dictionary is my good good friend.

ive been reading the sandman again. sarah is going to be so displeased. cause i think it messes with my head abit. but its a very intellectual book. dark fantasy. praise be to neil gaiman (finally got his name). if you happen to be in the vicinity of a library, go check it out.

singaporeans are fickle minded yeah. not all. but most. i saw this movie at the picture house yesterday. about soccer in singapore. and one scene was PRICELESS. it was the one about the tiger cup. during the event many of us singaporeans cheered the lions. way to go. the next day however, none of us waved/cheered/praised them when they paraded down orchard road on top of an open deck bus.

hey, what happened to the patriotism? the looks on all of their faces. the players that did us proud. looks of anguish. betrayal. lost. its as if nothing has happened. its as if the tiger cup has never existed and all their hard work are put to waste. its a shame seeing my country like this.

cheh. patriotic seh. but seriously. is this what the nation has become? so involved in their 'kiasu-ness' that they have become so self-centered? the world has gone insane. our nation has. in its attempt to make it 'to the top', its citizens have become immoral and passionless. singapore is a machine. not a country. from its houses to its people. le corbusier would be proud!

i hope i dont get pummeled or taken to jail for this. ahaha. thats what they would do to you.

love you...
rock on...

take care sayang...

(sorry no pictures today)

rutabaga

some random pictures...

no drawings today..




its raining outside.

so i cook some pasta.

looks tasty...havent tried though.

spartan shoes!

a sword holder i made for samuel.

sword holder with the sword.

yeah...just some random pictures.

there's no school for the rest of the week! XD

love you...

rock on...

hey

" wont somebody come along and teach me how to keep it alive...to survive ''

its really stressing, keeping up with datelines. so much stress, so much pressure. i just got to keep it under control. i want to do well. after a year wasted, i dont think i'd wana play around anymore. i wana make it big. i wana score. i wana get good grades. finally, the feeling is coming back. the desire to do well, to achieve good results. someting i havent felt since sec two. or since i started playing drums. the desire to draw better, to drumroll seamlessly, to play paradiddles.

now the desire is to design well. to pay carefull attention during class. to not miss lectures. to attend school punctually. to give a damn about my education. i've gone too far to change direction. if i wana do anything significant in my life now is the time. now is the time to shine. my time, is now. i was given a second chance. let's not blow it away. cause a lot of people have faith in me. i will not cast them aside.

and sarah. she's studying hard too. to get her As. to prove to others that have mocked her. so should i. i must study harder. go the distance. however, i do get lonely sometimes. cause when she studies, she thinks of only studying. she has put me on hold. i understand her decision. but i feel so cold.

i shiver.




i read The Sandman the other day at the library. sometimes i think im crazy. reading all this sinister dark stuff. like my mind's gone wack or something. for those who dont know Sandman - go google it..sandman - neil something..the author. its deep stuff.

then i read batman. also deep stuff. i dont read those normal comic books. i read...other stuff. and for what? inspiration i'd usually say. but somehow, reading these makes me feel at home. like im welcomed, accepted. im telling you, im crazy.

what would you do if you were crazy?

i so feel like drawing something. drawing how i feel. but there's no time for that now. gotta do school work. more important. forgive me for being a geek.

rock on...
love you...

is rain-ing again

"..no leh, you draw nicer than me what. my drawings all suck.."

i've been very busy the last few days, slogging on my school work. three projects together, all at one go. the dateline's ('deadline') on monday next week and its very stressing once you know that things might not finish on time. then again, things never finish on time. my drawings look abit untidy lately, very shaky. i told my friend:

me: its been very long time since i drew anything architectural..

friend: but you keep drawing those dragons and samurai instead right?

me: hell yeah..

a few pics

my messy workstation at home.




its an awful drawing really. zaha hadid's spittelau housing.



sometimes i think that my fate is all wrong. like you know, you're in the wrong place and everything just doesnt seem to fit. however, there is also this false sense of destiny that what you're doing now is actually supposed to happen and that you are suppose to fulfill it. damn. im just talking crap.

hahaha..i like playing with the different font sizes. there is this hierarchy of big to small.

****

i finally got to go to the gym today. though sam was a bit late. not alot of time actually, cause school ended at 3. music class was awesome! easily the best module i have so far. my group is the totally nonsense group that kept giving all the weird and funny answers that made the whole class laugh..lah.

after gym me and sam went tiong for food. then he kept complaining he didnt want to go tuition. but i persuaded him to go cause his exams are near. might as well go eh? then i met angela and her friends at mac. crashed with her for awhile cause i didnt wana take the train at that time. too crowded. then when we were leaving i met poh gek with her friends as well. neat. i got someone to go home with. XD

then on the train i listened to GESS syf recording. ok. it didnt sound like gold. i kept complaining that trumpets were noisy. XD. kidding alrght?

****

and i so totally miss her.

rock on...

love you...

hey

today is a slow day. 'cause today is sunday?

played lan yesterday, with ian and sam. CnC 3. oh hell, it was loads of fun. my second time playing the game. something new. yet, so familiar. at first i used some GDI nonsense, only to fall in love with the Skrin. hahaha. you wouldnt imagine how devastatingly poweful they are. the memorable match of the day would be the 3rd match, where we were up against 3 medium enemies (relax, we are still noobish). sam's base was almost wiped out, if i had come to late. the poor lad didnt build any anti-air and the enemy Skrin sent like 3 or 4 of their warships (cant remember name). luckily, i had a battalion of skrin planes (also cant remember name) to help him. all was lost when his base was struck by the enemy superweapon.

hahahahaha.

and what followed shortly, was the destruction of the enemy forces, thanks to my imba army of tripods! (yes, theyre tripods). plus i had this imba mothership...

ian: hey, whats that?
me: the mothership
sam: cannot attack meh? doing nothing..
me: attacking..

*on screen* the mothership charges..

FIRE!!!

then theres this thin laser that charges down onto the enemy defences, wiping them out completely.

sam/ian: what the fuck!!??
me: XD

then ian said: dzak..i bomb your base can anot?
me: huh? well..look at your base la

ian looks at his base. 5 huge skrin warships flanked by medium tanks crowd around his power plants...

ian:...
me: you still wana bomb my base?

fun time we had yesterday night. completely cheered me up.

****

sarah and i are okay now. thank you all.

before i forget, a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my unofficial sis. take care now aite?

sorry today no pictures. architecture = busy course = lots to think about (like where to put toilet..lol jk)..

love you..

rock on...

token

a very big thank you to all of you guys that have taken your own personal time to encourage me and to not give up. i will make an effort to rectify this problem. but seriously, thank you. never have i seen so many people supporting me. so thanks!

there were happier times..

rock on...

love you..

i still do...

lets fix this...

together...

i fucking hate mosquitos

what a way to start the first day of school!

"class, for today's site visit, we are going to punggol".

punggol?

punggol??

"you go there on your own..no transport provided"

****

from ian..dunno where he got it from

lols

****

sianz you know. why is it that we quarrel everyday. it just doesn't feel right to me. everyday cant pass without us fighting over something. and that's not good at all. of course at the end of the day all is well. but this isn't going to good right?

the problems are imminent.

rock on...

love you...

psychic spies from china try to steal your mind's elation

believe you me, watching from the audience is much more nerve-wrecking than playing on stage. why? cause you have absolutely no control over how they are playing.



this year's SYF was silver again, much to the disappointment of many. i wouldn't imagine that they/we/i would go through this scene again. its like deja vu. on the other hand (there's always another hand isn't there?), they managed to maintain their silver.

nowadays me and sarah are like, quarreling over stuff. which is bad. but somehow we managed to settle everything. which is good. but looking at the rate of how fast these petty disputes come and go gives me false sense of security that our relationship can last. which is bad. and another thing is, i think someone is falling for me. which is worse.

almost every one of my friends will say, "oh you're still with sarah? that's so long.". and what? you expect it to be shorter? I'm just puzzled.

and to make things even worse, my school is starting next week, so i wont be coming for band anymore (serious). I'm sure she wont like it. she wants me to visit. but every time i come for band we're bound to maybe quarrel abit.

maybe the fire is dying. maybe the passion is no more. i dunno. haha. many of my friends are going through tough times. maybe now is the time i join them.

****

i wouldnt want to end this post on a solemn emo note. but thats the way it is now. ever since arsenal got kicked out of every major cup my life's been going down the gutter. and let me tell you gutters are always packed with dead pigeons and rotting leaves. i would rather be in the drain.

and i havent drawn anything. i just couldnt bring myself to do anything. shit la. why am i so emo? no. i cannot be emo. all these are not emo speak. just what happened. thats all. so sorry. no pictures to garnish this post. maybe next post ya?

and for those bandmembers who are sooo sad AND disappointed, go read daryl's post on the band blog. i got the linked by the way..

<<<< its over here

rock on...

love you...

1st student leader investiture

1st student leader investiture

ever...

this is what i was doing damn late at night yesterday night/morning. i took the picture while i was half finished? for the juniors. maybe im too nice.

i got the badge though...

****

so i had this conversation just now...

Mr Mui : So Dzaki you're still drawing those dragons nowadays?

Me : Yeah...(never stopped dude)

Hence...

in Gan Eng Seng school im known for what? drawing dragons, beast, demons, samurai etc.? while other poeple are known for scoring >6 distinctions for 'O's?

XD

a message to the art board in GESS :

PLEASE PRINT OUT MY COMIC BOOK AND PUT IT ON THE WALL LIKE EVERYBODY ELSES' WORK! ITS DAMN UNFAIR YOU KNOW.

rock on...

love you...