lithium

you're supposed to be the guy that everyone talks to, when they're down. you help console other people. you're the column that supports the slab. you're not supposed to crack, you're not supposed to breakdown.

but what if you do?

what if the column crashes...what if the wall breaks? what if you need to cry? what if you're tired. exhausted. then what do you do? who do you turn to?

im tired. im waiting. but waiting for what? im always waiting. what if the thing im waiting for never happens? would it be worth the wait? i must always 'gamble' my choices. cause people wont accept certain choices but not me. i accept anything, everything.

because im not political you see. im always the nice guy. im always the helping hand, the open friend. but nice guys finish last. they always do. its a cruel fate. nice guys always get pummeled. then they get thrashed again, if they don't play their cards wrong. unlike bad guys. they get to do all the pummelling. and that's all they've got to worry about. but i cant help being nice. that's just me. but what if i was bad?

im always there for you. but now you always say you've changed. of course people change. and so what if you've changed? i cant get peace. i cant get happiness anymore. even if i do, it's all false hope. an empty mask. there is nothing behind the door, no matter how pretty the door looks like. happiness is sort-lived. sorrow, is not.

its getting very cold. very cold. whatever happened to the past? the past is always better. the future is bleak. we were born in the past. but we die in the future. seeing you doesn't make me happier anymore. im transparent again. im the shade in your mind, that you keep at the back of your head. im always getting pushed away. i wished that you've never changed.

now i sit alone. no one calls me. you're always busy. busy little bumblebee. look i know its your O's. but i had my O's too. and i didn't complain. i had you too. i know you cheered me on. and i responded. ok fine. now its your turn. im cheering you on.

and you ignore me.

businessmen always say that being irrational in this world only brings nothing. rationality is what you really need to succeed. but i say, when being with people, rationality comes best. you decide with your heart when it comes to close friends.

but that doesn't always work. especially with you. sometimes i put in alot of hard work. but i don't get my full dues. i know you cant give me as much as i can give you. but i keep on going. i keep giving. should i continue doing that? the earth's resources are depleting. if they can deplete, wouldn't i deplete as well?

sometimes i cry inside. sometimes i yearn for you. i give myself false hope. something i tell people not to do. ironic isn't it? i don't know whats wrong with me. but if you do, if any of you do, please tell me.

rock on...

love you...