im very much out of place

you know when you think about it, there isnt really alot to write about. not unless you live magical and eventful lives and robots that transform into vehicles are your friends. then again, wirting about your life is totally pointless...because it usually is. it serves no purpose but to tell everyone how shriveled or bad your life is. or if it isnt, it probably is anyway.

therefore i sometimes think that this site is rather meaningless. i have tried many times to rejuvenate it, much to my dismay. i tried putting up pictures but i couldnt keep up with the drawings (cause partially im lazy) and nobody reads this save for a handfull. or that there is a mystic force-field that prevents everyone from tagging.

i think ive gone from a bad to worse writer since i left secondary school. or since ive stopped reading books and as a result my command or english has decomposed(still is) to a pile of stinking rotting lobsters(?). i only eat to live and yes, to the delight of most of you, live to eat.

but seriously, my mind is dry and blank. i can try to draw though, but no one is free enough to join me in my daring escapades. i try to find solace in the library but that doesnt do me any good cause ive finished redeing and re-reading the entire sandman novels and i dont believe that there is anything out there(storywise) that is on par.

i seriously believe that i am an outast and i live in my own world. is that true to all artists? or have i yet to encountera group of people that share my beliefs and views on this pre-apocalyptic world? cause i think im going crazy(when i write this she'll call me and ask are you okay?) but no im am fine, just out of place.

maybe if i throw myself onto a drug-laden alcoholic diet and cave myself into my room with a pair of drumsticks, a paintset, pencils, pens and the whole empty 3/4 of a room all to myself, heck, i'll be the next john fruciante(wiki him). that, or i'd die a horrible and painfull death alone, sunk in misery, a major hangover and cold turkey.

i tried to re-establih my once-abundant imagination and inspiration with rhcp's oldie songs like fight like a brave and get up and jump but that didnt do me any good. i really do need inspiration(not the software) and i need it know.

i need a portfolio.

rock on...

love you...